“Some of the horrors of my addiction have been the loss of love” – Levi

Where does one begin a story that has no ending?

A story worth reading the story of beauty a story of a beautiful tragedy. The story of a broken vase torn feathers nervous laughter, countless nights, endless days inside answers, outside solutions, changes seasons, but one thing stays the same.

One chain I have yet to break that very few understand. The whole pill.ms Adderall 30 milligrafive times daily, well for the fifth daily was PRN” in case I went out with my friends.”

At 16 years old it couldn’t get any better and little did I know it would only get worse. My life is not a story of Despair, and I write this hoping that somebody out there makes it something from this.

At times, I wonder if Adderall saves my life but at 29 years old to realize that was given crystal meth in a pill form under State supervision just doesn’t sit right.

angry and manic due to Adderall addictionSome days, I have more control but ultimately have lost control, and it’s all sent it around and obsessive compulsive Adderall addiction but let me remind you have gotten better. What does better mean from 5 to 2 3 a day but sometimes Take five afraid to count?Afraid…

Well isn’t in a frayed patient convenient for a doctor. Afraid of complacent compliant the perfect experiment especially if it makes you feel good. Let’s keep this about me I made Adderall my life my God my secret go to be everything I felt like couldn’t be without it. It’s been 13 years, and I do feel like I’ve been taking something similar to crystal meth all along I just never knew it.

Of course if I could change this I would but to be honest, I had one chance at age 25 to go to a Wilderness therapy rehab and I didn’t get to stay the full time but I learned a lot about myself, and I’ll always be grateful. I live in Mass, and I wish there were more access to treatment programs and more funding, and I don’t understand why there is no such thing as growing adult Wilderness therapy rehabs.

I’ve been talking about getting clean for almost six years now I’ve done in Narcotics Anonymous, and I have my personal thoughts regarding that and I’m still open every day to any form of healing that can Aid my journey because we all have crosses to bear.

Some of the horrors of my addiction have been the loss of love psychosis anorexia concessive compulsive hoarding invention of amphetamines, glamorizing amphetamines before I knew what I was doing, and a habit that I still won’t admit what it would have cost me. Thank you for reading this God bless you