When I was seeking help for my own addiction to Adderall, I found hundreds of personal stories of addiction online, posted by people who had suffered and recovered.
I bookmarked the best stories, so I could come back and read them when things got tough (and. boy, they did).
These stories inspired me, educated me and gave me the courage to quit and stay clean. I owe a lot to my anonymous friends.
Yesterday, I went back to read some of the stories again.
Thought I’d share the best of them here, since this is a mobile-friendly website and most of the sites that published these stories aren’t easy to read on a phone.
Listed below are excerpts from a few of the Adderall addiction stories I found helpful, organized by the issues that Adderall abusers often have to deal with.
Click the author’s name to read their entire story.
I hope they help you, too.
Contents of This Page
I would stay up until 4-5am and then go to work at 9am – then on the weekends i’d literally sleep ALL day bcuz my body was so worn out from going to bed so late, but i’d still stay up til 4am every night (even weekends).
Anyways, i was a mess. I lost like 35lbs (miss that part of it), fought with everyone (which i never did before), became terribly depressed, angry all the time. Basically was at the lowest point i’d ever been.
My family ended up putting me in rehab, thank God, and as soon as i stopped it, i was back to normal.
About a month ago, I felt like my body started having adverse reactions. I started to feel too speedy, and started having heart palpitations and anxiety attacks, and shortage of breath (having trouble being able to take one of those satisfying deep breaths)…
I barely ate and honestly I was beginning to look like a Meth abuser. My relationship with my husband was suffering. Then 4 months ago, I was at the doctor and they needed to use a child’s blood pressure cuff because my arm was so skinny. WTF? That moment it hit me. Things had to change. Now.
Tremors & Tics
I have learned that tourettes/tic like symptoms are a possible side effect of this med and im embarassed to say that every day in this last year I have struggled with making involuntary noises in my throat. Keeping friends and family from hearing these weird sounds is hard enough but what really sucks is when I wear out my throat so much that eventually it becomes sore. Eventually I am forced into popping my ears constantly and I want nothing more than to be off this damn medication I never wanted on in the first place.
Impact on Relationships
I have never regretted something so much in my life. I ended a two year relationship that had potential before I went away to college after graduating high school. I almost ruined another relationship with an amazing guy because of my stupid addiction to this drug. It sucked the personality/life right out of me and made me ‘not me’. I stopped giving a **** about relationships and only wanted to focus on myself and my grades and my future. My goofy, loving, upbeat, bubbly and compassionate personality turned into a stone wall. I would do anything to take this back…I think about what my life would have been like if I hadn’t been abusing this drug.
…the medicated me has made amazing strides in providing the unmedicated me a perfect life and the perfect family. But now the medicated me has started to push the family away with my extremely short fuse and uncontrollable anger, while the unmedicated sits around all day afraid to face the world anxiously awaiting for my little orange savior to return. The people closest to my have to walk on eggshells because one wrong move and I have lost all patience.
Effects Of Using Too Much
… as i write this, I have been up for an entire 24 hours already and have taken more than i can even count. I stopped counting the amount i pop in my mouth a day, i am to afraid to calculate and i am beginning to feel the physical side effects more and more. my body parts fall asleep all the time, my vision and hearing is erratic, the scariest is that i feel pains in the area of my heart frequently and i have been breaking out in pimples and rashes all over my face, arms, legs, buttocks and other places of my body.
Admitting You Need Help
It is no longer in my control. It controls me. If I want to go to school and clean or shower or even as terrible as it sounds …..enjoy being a mom….I need adderall.
<then, later in the same thread>
Thank you so much. Your absolutely right. I need to go to a dr that will guide me right and not just give me what I want. And I really want to do that. It is terrible to say I just dont know if I can push myself. theres a demon in me saying if I tell another dr then I will be flagged from my sc<x>ript. but that is exactley what I want to happen. I do not want this life no more, so then why am I running from the answer to stop it all. I hate this confusion, I hate this pain, I am so weak for this medication when I do not even know why anymore,
Fear of Quitting
I am extremely worried about my long term health and can’t imagine a single way that Adderall is good for me in the long run. I am afraid of quitting though, the withdrawal will be so hard. I am attending college, have a major in Applied Mathematics and Computer Science as well as Business Administration with minors in Economics and Speech, as well as my job, a girlfriend, involved in my fraternity, student government, and a calculus tutor on campus, I make my own electronic music and in the middle of creating a new social networking website. I don’t want to drop any of these activities as I love every one of them.
“My withdrawal from Adderall was the most extreme pain and agony I’ve ever experienced.”
…my current state of withdrawal has me like a zombie, headaches, puking, almost constantly sleeping or being tired, lack of motivation and energy, fever, being angry and snappish, and lack of any other emotion.
After stopping Adderall use for periods of time, I used to feel like I just needed to sleep and sleep. It felt like my body was trying to catch up on the sleep I lost during binges, but it never felt like I got enough sleep. The lack of energy made days drag. The mood swings were awful, to say the least.
When I run out, the first week REALLY SUCKS, lemme tell ya! All I want to do is sleep. I don’t know how I drag my *** to work at 6 am every day and get through a 10 hour day. The second week is not much better. By the end of the second week, I am able to watch a couple hours of tv after work instead going to bed as soon as I get home at 4pm. But I am still mostly tired all the time. What doesn’t go away is my dis-interest in life. Lack of motivation and ambition and the ability to focus on an enjoyable task long enough to enjoy it. I don’t do anything. I sit in my miserable life being lonely.
…I called her, and the second she answered I just started sobbing. I told her everything. I told her how admitting it made it real and how I hadn’t known happiness in months and that I was so scared I was never going to be happy again. I was so afraid the person I used to be was lost forever and I regretted so badly ever trying that first Adderall…
When i got to rehab, i slept non-stop for 2 full days. I had worn myself out by sleeping so little. And by not sleeping enough it effected my entire life. I was so addicted to it that i COULD NOT get out of bed without it. It would be sitting on my nightstand with water every morning just so i could get out of bed.
Staying Clean & Sober
I remember feeling really weird at 18 months clean. I made a string of bad decisions (including quitting my job without having any prospects) and I was really frightened, had no confidence in my ability to learn new things, felt socially awkward, was anxious meeting people, and just generally felt lost and confused. After 3 years sober I feel like myself again.
I have my good days and my bad days too. Just take it one day at a time. Can you do it today? Get through today and then see what tomorrow brings? I always ask myself that. I’m only a year and 2 months clean but what helps me the most is not drinking, working out daily and eating healthy. I am doing this right now and I feel great. Probably the best I have ever felt in my entire life! But time heals most wounds. Just be patience and hang in there!
I’ve actually read 4 books since my last pill. I love reading but never could sit still long enough to enjoy a book hopped up on Addy. The big hurdle was Xmas: We hosted it for 30 family members and I didn’t take amphetamines before to get ready, during to get through, or after to clean up. I actually talked and laughed with my family and let the dishes pile up!
Read Our Stories
Some of our readers have shared their own stories of addiction and recovery on this site.
Every story is an unedited, raw account of what it feels like to be addicted to Adderall – and how to recover.
If you have a story you’d like to share anonymously with others, we’ll publish it on this site.
Sharing your story can be therapeutic for you, and it can help others learn and gain strength from you.
Every story has its own Disqus discussion thread, so you can engage with others and help them, if you want to. Or, just let others use your story to inspire and help.