I got prescribed Adderall a little over a year ago.
At first I thought I finally could enjoy life – and I had never been happier.
I was in the best shape of my life.
I met and fell in love with my boyfriend for the first time. I had so much confidence. I thought I would be happy forever.
But then, as months passed, things started getting bad.
I started taking so many of my pills, I got to the point of taking my child’s just to be this perfect person I became obsessed with being.
My anxiety was out of control. I was always on edge.
I could never sleep, no matter how many sleeping aids I used.
I let this drug fuel my eating disorder to a point it ate every muscle in my body.
And then, when I gave my daughter’s pills to the school – seeing I couldn’t do that to her – I got worse.
I was always depressed, trapped by a pill I couldn’t let go.
I lost my boyfriend, my life.
Always sad and zombied and on edge, to everyone.
So, wanting that life back, I thought I would do method to try harder, seeing my life fall apart.
And then, at the end of December, being so bad and losing everything, I told my family everything – and got help.
I detoxed at home, and it was the hardest thing of my life.
Puking, sweating, sleeping and eating non-stop.
Although I wish I could say I’m sober, I struggle to this day with the addiction.
Apparently, there are herbs like cannabis that could’ve helped me get through the withdrawal symptoms, and probably bring me to a better state.
Providers like Curaleaf could have recommended the right strains and dosages for me so that my detox journey need not have been so difficult, but unfortunately, I guess I could not think clearly enough to even consider such options.
It’s been 5 months, and I relapse far too often.
I wish too much for that life back on Adderall, because now I’m always exhausted tired – scared – I have not one bit of motivation.
And then, even more, I miss who I was before Adderall, back when I had natural drive and energy.
I wrote this story because this drug’s ruined my life now for a yr and half, and I still can’t seem to get past it.
It’s a demon you never want to meet.
Adderall has ruined me, and I can’t find a way out.