It started off as a prescription I asked for from my doctor in my last year of college. No problem there, it was wonderful! Or seemed like it at least. It helped me focus when I was in school, lose weight, and feel motivated to succeed.
I never dared to take more than the prescribed dose, and never thought I would. That time seems so innocent in comparison. Over the years, on and off Adderall a few times, I began to experiment here and there with taking a little more than the prescribed dose.
Fast forward to now, six years later, I binge on the weekends, taking extremely high doses. I tell myself, I’ll control myself this time and only take an appropriate amount for focus daily, and it will start that way, but it always turns into binges.
At the 60 mg mark, I start to become hyper-sexual and hyper-focused. And I’ll keep taking more every few hours, more and more frequently, ramp up the drug dose. At this point I can’t control myself, I can’t stop, not until I’m completely exhausted and pass out.
My last binge began on Friday afternoon and didn’t end until Sunday morning. I didn’t count the amount taken within that time, but I know it was at least 300 mg – 400 mg.
What did I do during this period? Masturbate to porn. I stopped very few times and was very irritated when I had to.
And like every time before that I’ve done that, once it’s all over, I feel terrible that I wasted my time on it. This has been my cycle that has continued to get worse over time.
Right now, I feel depressed, and worn out; it’s been two days after that last binge. Not to mention I’ve messed up my teeth through excessive grinding and picking at them.
Didn’t start to show until recently. I have got to get myself under control. I would like to control myself and be able to take a minimal dosage that is helpful for me, but this seems to be the way I trick myself into two-night binges with no sleep.
Posts by Adderall Addiction Support:
My story with stimulant use began at the age of 18. I was introduced to a herbal dietary supplement named ephedrine which is a stimulant with amphetamine-like properties. The minute I decided to use this substance is the day my life would change forever.
Within an hour of using ephedrine my mind, body and perception of life were completely altered. I began to feel this sudden rush of euphoria, invincibility, and superhuman strength. You see that time in my life I was struggling with weight and depression constantly being critical of myself and very self-conscious.
I wanted to fit in be the cool kid that every girl liked. It seemed like ephedrine would be the answer to all my problems however after all that was said and done that wasn’t the case.
I didn’t realize the consequences that would lie ahead of me in the years ahead. Initially, it was great; the depression went away weight dropped rapidly & life was great. Everything I had ever wanted in life was becoming a reality. However, I couldn’t have prepared for what was yet to come.
I became dependent and needed it every day always chasing that high and euphoric rush that I first experienced when I initially used it. Unfortunately, I became so dependent that I required this stimulant every day to achieve the results. I wanted and sustained the euphoric feeling I had met which eventually led to addiction.
Once the FDA banned ephedrine in 2006, I felt at a loss because I could no longer get a hold of this supplement. Depression took control of my life again, but this time the feelings were at all time low my weight had fluctuated to an ultimate high to a point where I became anti-social, suicidal and extremely depressed worse than I could have ever imagined.
I hated myself so much to a point where I was always searching for stimulants that would give me the same feeling ephedrine did. However it never happened, after the ban of ephedrine, there was no supplement on the market that could relate to ephedrine. My depression continued to get worse; anger and frustration took control of my life.
Misery and struggle became a part of my life to a point where I turned to marijuana to numb any pain that I had. But that just made things worse because in the morning I was still the same fat, depressed and angry person that I despised.
But then things changed, after years of research and continued the search for the right stimulant I was able to get a hold of ephedrine once again. The euphoric feelings that I had been long yearning for were re-introduced into my life.
Everything was great again, euphoria, energy, focus, confidence all were part of me. Out was the depression, anger, frustration, and being fat. I couldn’t have imagined life being any better. It was at this point where I told myself that I would never lose this feeling and would go out at all costs and extreme measures to maintain this happiness for the rest of my life.
Never would I return to being that depressed, overweight and angry disgusting person that I had been for most of life. I planned; accordingly, I never discussed anything about using ephedrine with anyone, kept it hidden from family, friends, and co-workers.
I maintained a very low-calorie low carb diet consisting of mostly water on a day to day basis to achieve and sustain the energy and mentality I had been yearning, for long. The plan was simple to keep my daily intake of ephedrine at a consistent 100mg dose with multiple liters of water, and things would fall into place.
My weight ultimately decreased to a point where I became anorexic, and people around me started to worry. You see the chemical structure of ephedrine is to reduce body fat while sustaining muscle mass and as a result; I had achieved a physique that had completely restructured and transformed my biological makeup and bone structure to a point where I had 0% body fat with muscle definition. I did not feel hungry or fatigued; I felt invincible.
But unfortunately, this didn’t last; as my career progressed the need for more stimulation grew. However, there were factors involved when you are on top of your game people don’t want to see you do good. They want to see you fall and as a result, they will go out of their way to make sure you don’t succeed.
Life isn’t fair, and all it takes is for one person to ruin it. For everybody else, this was my thought process at that time some say it was due to the continuous stimulant use and a reduced calorie diet others would say it was a hallucination.
As the stimulation grew the thoughts of paranoia and psychotic episodes became intense which eventually led to me making false claims that hidden surveillance cameras were recording me at home and workplace.
Eventually, I was forced to check into rehab which was an unsuccessful attempt to change my thought process and behaviors. A try to modify the person I am what I believe in and for what I stand.
After returning to work, I could no longer cope with the bullshit I had been dealing with for months on in. I was fed up with the way I was being treated and the cruel and unusual punishment I was enduring which was obviously going against my employee rights and seemed downright unfair to me as a citizen of the United States which preaches legitimate rights, equality, and freedom for all. I made the decision to quit the job and relieve myself of the bullshit and stress I had been enduring for so long.
After months of sobriety I realized that I couldn’t stay home and besides, I needed a source of income. I returned to the corporate world only to find out that I had the craving to use again. I long yearned for that euphoric feeling again all the old triggers and cravings started to come back to me.
I was desperately seeking for ephedrine however it was gone never to be seen again. I was looking for an alternative, and the only thought that came into my mind was Adderall. A buddy of mine had a prescription so he let me try one and all I could say is damn I feel fantastic. The focus, euphoria, and energy were present again.
However with all those benefits that Adderall does show there comes a price. Currently, I am struggling with an addiction to Adderall. If I can’t get a prescription, I result to purchasing Adderall on the streets which are a financial burden to me and the risk of not knowing the potency of the street drug to a point where I can’t enjoy it.
Adderall is an amphetamine which has three primary functions increase Dopamine sensors, Serotonin levels, and norepinephrine. Unfortunately for me when I do get a prescription, I don’t get the benefits or pleasure of enjoying the three primary functions that Adderall presents.
For the most part, I experience hallucinations, anger, and frustration most likely due to my 15-year history of stimulant abuse. My brain chemistry has changed, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to recover. I fear of what I might become when I’m not on Adderall.
I hope in doing so that whoever reads this article will get a better understanding of stimulants and the day to day struggles it presents. Hope this helps.
My story is a bit extreme and strange. Hopefully, it can help others see that their situation may not be so bad, or whatever.
I started my Adderall/amphetamine addiction when a friend gave me one of his 50 mg Vyvanse when I was around 19-20. The high, focus and mental clarity were astounding, and I surpassed all of my work and social expectations. However, I noticed it has a similar effect to MDMA.
I never got hooked on MDMA because I loved it so much. I knew I would get caught, so I rarely did it, maybe twice a year. But over time, my addicted mind began to think of excuses to use Vyvanse, such as “It’s a controlled, prescribed medication” & “It’s not made in a bathtub, it’s OK.” So, slowly but surely, Vyvanse became a regular thing.
It started as a party drug; I would go to a lot of raves and underground parties 1-2 hours away from home. So my addict mind created the thought of, “If I take it at the [x] time, I will be able to stay up for the long drive home and be able to go to sleep by the time I’m home.” It worked fine, I felt great, no hangover, slept fine.
Then I took on another job and began working weekends. So, I would take it late at night, go to bed around 4 am, and then wake up at 7 am, pop another Vyvanse for work, take it throughout the day, then party until 4 am again, then crash all day Sunday.
Over time, the effects of not sleeping daily leaked into my weekdays. I was working as a CNA in a nursing home during the week, and I felt groggy and tired. So, I would take it on Mondays as a pick-me-up to get over the weekend hump. It worked great.
Then I noticed it felt like the ground beneath my feet was shaking at times and I felt unsteady. I was young and stupid and thought, “Man, this is a kick ass high lmao.” I told my friends, they got a kick out of it. This behavior continued for about two years.
After two years, I graduated from strictly Vyvanse to whatever prescription amphetamine I could get my hands on, seeing as my consumption became an everyday habit. Eventually, I got my hands on Adderall, and I fell in love.
If I took enough, it was like a mild MDMA, and I could stay awake in a good mood for hours. Also, after 2-3 years of this drug consumption, my mind began to warp. I was already a club promoter, and I loved being up all night, being social, and engaging in risky behavior as those are side effects of Adderall.
Eventually, the risky behavior & confidence that comes with it got the best of me, and I had sex with my boss at the nursing home, and I bragged about it. Eventually, the whole place knew, her husband found out, it was a huge mess and I had to quit. At the same time, my cousin opened up a bar and needed a bartender; I took the position.
Now, four nights out of the week, I was mixing Adderall and alcohol. The behavior that comes with this combination varies per person, and for me, it gave me a feeling of extreme confidence combined with a short temper. Not an excellent combination.
On my 22nd birthday, I was bartending at the bar, and I got piss drunk and blacked out, started puking, and was let go. I now had no job and was desperate for money so that I could get more Adderall and function normally. At this point, I needed it to get out of bed.
Here’s where it starts to get weird. I saw an ad on Craigslist for a bartender position at a gay bar, and the ad said, “Must be comfortable working in underwear.” I was and am straight, but the adderall gave me the risky behavior, confidence, and warped my way of thinking, so I justified it being OK to do this so I could make more money, get more adderall, and drink for free again.
Needless to say, a bunch of weird shit went down and I was OK with it because I was high all the time. I had sex with random girls in the backroom during my shift, would let people put singles down my underwear, got naked almost every night, the list goes on, and I made a lot of money.
One night, the owner of the bar invited some male strippers down to the bar. I talked to them, and they were cool. They said I could 100% get a job at the strip club they worked at, and they could get me Adderall. It happened at the same time the gay bar I was working at got shut down because of me.
Flash back to my boss I had sex with from the nursing home, she came in one night, and I was, of course, high on Adderall and piss drunk, so I got up on the bar and made her, and her two friends put my penis in her mouth. Needless to say, this behavior was unacceptable, particularly in a gay bar.
Moving forward, at this time I was getting at least 2-4 hours of sleep a night on the weekends, so at least I was still sleeping. I began working at the strip club, and being the only white stripper in a club of mostly Puerto Rican and Black clientele/strippers; I became very popular very fast. Naturally, there were also a lot of drugs readily available, especially Adderall, and a lot of it was free seeing as everybody wanted to have sex with me.
Being straight, it made me more of a ‘commodity,’ so I had as many free drugs as I wanted. Combine that with the popularity, the women, the alcohol, the after parties, waking up in strange places not knowing where I was or what happened the night before; it felt pretty great at the time.
Then the next stage of addiction began to take hold; paranoid. I was convinced that the FBI was going to raid the strip club because the strippers would always do extras [oral sex with customers, hand jobs, etc.] in the back rooms. There were whispers of under covers, and I noticed billboards saying “STOP FBI CORRUPTION” around the city.
One night, 5 or 6 strippers were arrested on the spot for selling drugs in the club, and I left in the middle of my shift, and never went back. I deleted all social media accounts of my stripper alter ego and went underground for a few weeks. I alienated my family thinking they would notice I was on drugs, including my younger siblings and parents who I love so much.
I was ashamed to see them. I did not want them to see what I had become. I had 3 other jobs I was working waiting tables and bartending, so I picked up extra shifts at those and focused on finishing school. [I forgot to mention I was going to school at the time as well. I was working four jobs while finishing a medical degree, one of the big reasons why my addiction grew so rapidly.]
My erratic, irresponsible, and over the top behavior led to my expulsion from school. I was in the clinical portion of my program, meaning the classes were up to me to schedule and I did not schedule enough classes to graduate in time. So, this left me with no career, no job, and what seemed like three years wasted.
In comes the next chapter of my adult life, which intensified my addiction further; E-Commerce & Miami. I learned quickly the power of selling things online. Instead of working four jobs to make $100/day, I was sitting at a computer for 8-10 hours making $200/day. Sometimes, I didn’t even have to work, and I would still make that money.
I made enough money to save up for a deposit on an apartment and moved with my best friend at the time to South Beach, and continued my downward spiral even further. At this point, I could afford to wake up, drink Jameson on the rocks, smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, and do as much Adderall as I pleased.
Then the wheels of my addiction began turning even more. I realized that if I took enough Adderall to stay up for 2-4 days straight, my sales were astronomical. I was making over $1,000/day. At the end of my benders, I would smoke a couple of joints, get a kick ass high, play around on the beach, and sleep for 24-32 hours. This behavior began as a once a month thing but slowly became more regular.
Then, the beginning of my saving grace occurred. I mixed bad LSD & bad MDMA and had an appalling trip. In the end, I watched the sun rise from my balcony, and realized that I was 24, was doing amphetamines for four years, & now is the time in my life where I need to make changes, or else I will wind up a junkie.
So right there, I quit cigarettes, drinking, and Adderall cold turkey. That same week, I took my first yoga class, and my teacher would later become my current girlfriend. This yoga class changed my life, and I began going every day. After three weeks I realized yoga gave me a better high than any drug I’ve ever done. You would think this is the end, and I wish it were.
My sales began to plummet; I could barely afford rent, yoga class, and food. So, I convinced myself that small doses of Adderall to focus on work were OK. It worked great for about 6-8 weeks. I would wake up, do yoga, lift weights, take a nap, wake up, take 15 mg, work until 9-10 pm, smoke a joint, and then wake up and do it all over again.
Unfortunately, my tolerance built up; I doubled my dose which led me to stay up later, which led me to not waking up for yoga, then I fell right back into it. But this time, I was surrounded by people doing Adderall 24/7.
The difference with my addiction before was I would only take it partying and working. I could go 2-3 days without it and rest at home. But now, living in Miami, my apartment was always a party, and all of my friends were in e-commerce staying up for days. To top it off, Christmas season was approaching. So I ditched my healthy lifestyle for my addiction and money.
This time, with more experience in the industry, the money came flying in. I was regularly making over $5,000 a day. But this time, instead of pulling 2-4 day benders once in a while, it became an every day(s) thing. I would be up for 2-3 days, sleep for only 4-6 hours, wake up, pop 30 mg XR with a 30 mg instant release, and get back to it. I was a complete wreck. My eyes became dark and drawn in; my muscle was lost, my pupils were consistently huge. Throw in the stress of managing over $35,000-$50,000 a week; it got pretty bad.
Flash back to the yoga teacher; a mutual friend mentioned she might be interested in me. I immediately re-evaluated my life. This woman was a GODDESS to me. Imagine your favorite celebrity being interested in you. Now her being a yoga instructor, I knew I either had to end my habits or hide them. Being an addict, I hide them. But, as any addict knows, eventually your addiction will rear its ugly head, and it did.
It was the day after Christmas, and at this time she was my steady girlfriend and knew I was doing Adderall, but not to the extent that I was doing it. But to love her, I needed to respect her, and I cannot respect her without respecting myself. So, I took her to my bathroom, held her hand, and flushed the remainder of Adderall I had down the toilet. I had made my money for Christmas; I no longer needed the drugs.
I moved out of the building with all of my friends doing drugs so I could get away from it and be with her. That was amazing for three weeks. The withdrawals were tough, but I had the money and began doing yoga again, so it wasn’t that bad. Then, a familiar pattern began again. My sales were down, and my bank account was getting dangerously low.
I was funding a lavish lifestyle for us and was convinced that I could take 3 weeks off of work and pick right back up to making $5,000 a day again. Well, I was wrong. I was losing money every day, combine this with the withdrawals and pressure of having to maintain that lifestyle I made regular for us, I succumbed to my addict mind again. Just like last time, I took it in small doses, but my tolerance was high, by the 3rd day I was taking 45 mg a day again, resulting in irregular sleep patterns.
When I went to my dealer to re-up, one of my e-commerce colleagues who I used to pull binders with was there. It was 11:00 at night, and I was just going to re-up and leave. But he knew how much I loved pulling binders, and would not let me exit the apartment until I took a 30 mg XR.
I could have easily pushed thru, but I succumbed to my addict mind and took it, leading to a 2-day bender and a distraught girlfriend. I couldn’t see her; she would know I was high, so I made excuses. She knew it was all horse shit and was mad at me for days, but did not leave me.
The following week was hell. I was crashing from the bender, all of my money was gone, I had no friends to lean on, and I had no other skills to make money. I cried alone for three days straight I did not want anyone to see how pathetic I had become, or always was.
Now it is the week after and I am having incredible mood swings, thoughts of leaving everything and everyone behind, and doing Adderall again to stay up longer and make more money. I am reading books on self-improvement and staying around positive people, but the addiction I had was so intense for so long it feels like I will always be an addict and there is no way out.
I know there is and I know I can overcome this. I am at a cross road where I can go back to taking Adderall, stay up for days & make a lot of money again but lose my girlfriend in the process, or do it all sober & keep my goddess. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I oversleep regularly, have headaches every day when I never had them, get random strong urges to eat a lot of food, then sometimes have an over the top euphoria.
All of my sharp business ideas and friends are now gone. After writing that dramatic last paragraph, I suddenly have a strong sense of euphoria and confidence and feel like I can do this no problem. This cycle is every couple of hours. I will go from this to throwing things against the wall.[Note violence is never directed towards anyone, especially my girlfriend. It is exerted when alone.] I have done this to myself and will overcome it. When I feel like I have completely recovered, I will post again. To anyone else out there with an addiction, you can do it. Read books about Wim Hof, it helps.
Where does one begin a story that has no ending?
A story worth reading the story of beauty a story of a beautiful tragedy. The story of a broken vase torn feathers nervous laughter, countless nights, endless days inside answers, outside solutions, changes seasons, but one thing stays the same.
One chain I have yet to break that very few understand. The whole pill.ms Adderall 30 milligrafive times daily, well for the fifth daily was PRN” in case I went out with my friends.”
At 16 years old it couldn’t get any better and little did I know it would only get worse. My life is not a story of Despair, and I write this hoping that somebody out there makes it something from this.
At times, I wonder if Adderall saves my life but at 29 years old to realize that was given crystal meth in a pill form under State supervision just doesn’t sit right.
Some days, I have more control but ultimately have lost control, and it’s all sent it around and obsessive compulsive Adderall addiction but let me remind you have gotten better. What does better mean from 5 to 2 3 a day but sometimes Take five afraid to count?Afraid…
Well isn’t in a frayed patient convenient for a doctor. Afraid of complacent compliant the perfect experiment especially if it makes you feel good. Let’s keep this about me I made Adderall my life my God my secret go to be everything I felt like couldn’t be without it. It’s been 13 years, and I do feel like I’ve been taking something similar to crystal meth all along I just never knew it.
Of course if I could change this I would but to be honest, I had one chance at age 25 to go to a Wilderness therapy rehab and I didn’t get to stay the full time but I learned a lot about myself, and I’ll always be grateful. I live in Mass, and I wish there were more access to treatment programs and more funding, and I don’t understand why there is no such thing as growing adult Wilderness therapy rehabs.
I’ve been talking about getting clean for almost six years now I’ve done in Narcotics Anonymous, and I have my personal thoughts regarding that and I’m still open every day to any form of healing that can Aid my journey because we all have crosses to bear.
Some of the horrors of my addiction have been the loss of love psychosis anorexia concessive compulsive hoarding invention of amphetamines, glamorizing amphetamines before I knew what I was doing, and a habit that I still won’t admit what it would have cost me. Thank you for reading this God bless you
I am 64 years old and have been addicted to Adderall for many many years. When my son was in kindergarten, he displayed behavioral symptoms for which his teachers were concerned.
I took him to the doctor, and they told me that he had ADHD and gave him Adderall immediately. I did my research because my son hated taking it, and the medical establishment said that it was inherited and that I too, had ADHD. I loved the effect!
My house was polished perfectly, I had the energy to be a super mom, and it made me bright and cheerful. I just did the math, and I have been taking some stimulant for 34 years. I keep coming back to Adderall because it gives me the most “bang for my buck.”
I now am up to 60 MG’s per day, and I am scared of my addiction (I am also taking a 1 MG dose of clonazepam) which I know from experience is also addictive, but first things first.
I believe that the Adderall is going to blow my heart out, and the doctor and the pharmacist treat me like an addict and give me a 28 day RX, written for three months at a time, with a doctor exam before my next three-month refill.
They treat me like an addict because I am one.Today my beloved partner and I had the discussion about the truth of my addiction, and how I can best slowly withdraw and give my body some relief.
One of the reasons that I love this drug is the temporary feelings of power, energy, and ability to think clearly. In truth, that is a lie.
I am not sure how to safely do this, and I have never been in an online support group, but I am scared, yet strangely ready, willing and motivated to live life without a false sense of knowing that the only way I am coping with life is by popping my Adderall.
Any help, suggestions, encouragement and ways to make this journey less unbearable would be greatly appreciated. Just being honest and sharing this is huge, because I am a secret “Betty Crocker” appearing chick with a serious problem!
Thank you for hearing me.
I have been taking Adderall for about four months. The immediate changes I have felt, have been fantastic. I have lost weight which I love, and don’t have cravings; my mood is up, energy is up, not too sure about focus, because my brain is weird.
I don’t think I can concentrate any better than I did without it. I notice that I’m obsessed with things, like running, my figure, being on my phone constantly.
When I have something exciting happen, or meet someone new, I think in that situation for hours, and can’t get it out of my head.
I take it early in the morning as soon as I get up, along with Prozac and Wellbutrin. Have some headaches, I sleep fine; just feel anxious during the day. It was brought to my attention that I’m not the person I want to be.
Looking at the information about this drug, I’m so disappointed to read that it’s equivalent to taking speed, I can’t do this, I’ve never been a drug addict, can’t stand being my true self.
It scares me to know. Now I have to wean off and try to recover before it does more damage. The changes I know I’ll have from weaning off are going to be spool scary to me and so uncomfortable.
That’s why it’s called an addiction, and my doctors didn’t even tell me this could happen.
I abused Adderall for about two years before the crashes about took my life. I went to treatment and stayed sober a while and then started stealing and abusing concerts until I couldn’t take enough to get my high.
So now I switched doctors, and they put me on Vyvanse, and it gave me the euphoria for a few days, and now I can take up to 250 mg, and it does nothing.
The comedowns and crashes devastate me. I have totally changed into a different person in the last three years. I got divorced. I have to take care of two kids who see their mother like this.
The mother, they used to be entirely different. I need the energy and focus that stimulants give me but my tolerance is so high I can’t. I am lost. Depressed. Confused.
Though Adderall has been only one of many drugs that dominated my life for the last five years, it has become my go to for the last couple weeks.
I worked hard, sleep is gone, and tonight I believe I overdose. Now I’m all out and beginning to realize the gravity of the situation.
I’m scared but in a scared straight way. I thought I was going to die. I had to wake my mom up to console me. I was a shaking paranoid mess.
I hope that I’ve made this choice in time to save my work and family life (I don’t usually call off, but it’s been twice since in began abusing).
I don’t want to die or live as a slave. I’m not a particularly religious guy, but I prayed tonight. I pray for the strength to overcome substance abuse. I’m going to need it.
“I’m still addicted to Adderall. I suffer from paranoid anxiety and severe depression, which I never had before.” – Nick
Im a 19 year old male who struggles with the addiction to many different drugs, the first and main one being Adderall.
I had ADHD as a child and was prescribed Ritalin, but I didn’t like it then, it made me very anxious so I stopped taking it.
Years later, I started hanging out with the wrong group of friends. We were all on a basketball team, but were heavily into smoking pot and drinking.
One of the kids was into stimulants and had mentioned Ritalin and Adderall.
I told him I was once on Ritalin and remembered how it sped me up.. I knew these drugs were basically speed.
“The last time I took Adderall was April 9th, 2014, and have been clean and sober ever since.” – Jamie
Hi everyone my name is Jamie, and I am a recovering Adderall addict.
The last time I took Adderall was April 9th, 2014, and have been clean and sober ever since.
I first took Adderall in the summer between 10th and 11th grade, when I was at summer school.
I loved how focused I was, and I loved that I was able to read 200 pages in one night…it was like I find the cure to my constant procrastination.
I’m currently taking Adderall. It’s been well over a year, now.
Somehow, my life started to revolve around taking it.
Taking too much, then running out, then withdrawing, then starting the whole cycle all over again, as soon as my script came in.
It’s taken over my whole life.
“I hope my sister’s detox process happens soon – I don’t think my family can take 90 days of this.” – Karen
This story is not about me, it’s about my sister.
She was diagnosed a few months ago with ADHD. I think maybe she always had it, but it was me the focus was on.
I was diagnosed as a young child. My mom decided not to put me on medication, and I am so thankful for that decision she made today.
As an adult, my ADD has just about disappeared. It just does not effect my life, anymore.
My sister was not so lucky – she was not diagnosed as a child and as an adult was so disorganized that mail would sit on the counter for days unopened.
I first started taking Adderall 2 years ago, fresh into college.
I’ll never forget that first pill – how invincible I felt!
For years, I had a monster drink every morning and sometimes more during the day… and I stopped almost immediately after I got a prescription.
I have ADD/ADHD, but my parent didn’t want me growing up on drugs.
I wanted a “cure”, and my answer was just a pill – and my grades shot up, I kicked ass at my job and talking to people was incredibly easy.
Aside from getting used to some of the small side effects, like not eating or this weird feeling of free falling (first month or two on the pill), I felt unstoppable.
Now I am socially awkward or just weird, i guess, because I’m always high.
“I am a pretty blonde girl who had everything going for me – until I began abusing Adderall” – Samantha
I began abusing Adderall at 16, to lose weight.
I am now 22 years old.
I just left my seventh place of rehabilitation for Adderall abuse, and my life is still one big mess.
I am today an Adderall and a meth addict.
I just discovered meth this past fall, and I began mixing the two…
…until my paranoia, anorexia, and picking apart of my skin got so bad that my parents threw me, out and I was homeless living on the streets
When I tried to come back, I was arrested and placed in a mental hospital for 2 weeks on a 52/50 hold.
That is where years of taking an average dose of 300 mg a day of Adderall plus 100 mg of Dexedrine from a dealer I had on the side, took me.
Mind you, I am a decently pretty blonde girl from an upper middle class family who had everything going for me – until I began abusing this drug.
I can honestly look back at my life and wish so badly that I had never tried it, that I knew nothing of the effects of stimulants or methamphetamine.
For today, I am trying desperately just to get out of bed in the morning at my sober living house.
And here, if I test positive for drugs, it’s back to the streets for me.
So all I can hope is that I am strong enough to stay sober and fight the darkness of this disease, because lord knows I have never felt more pain or more sickness.
It’s ironic how popping these soul crushing capsules make us completely miserable.
It’s not just me, it’s everyone I’ve met and read about using this damn fuckin’ thing.
I’m a working mom with a 5 year old daughter.
I stayed off Adderall for many years after my teen years.
If you are thinking about doing Adderall for fun – please read.
I am a 62 year old grandmother and have been addicted for at least 10 years.
Before that, I was addicted to painkillers.
I was able to go to an outpatient clinic to get off of the painkillers, but then switched over to Adderall. I got thrown out of the clinic because of it.
I started out doing 60 milligrams a day, but within 3 years, zoomed up to approx. 200 mg a day and have remained there for the past 7 years.
A little bit about who I am, first: I’m a 29 year old female living in NYC working in the luxury fashion buying world.
The first time I took Adderall was in college, sparingly, for a random paper I didn’t have the energy to write.
From what I can remember, I must have taken it no more than ten times during college.
Fast forward, to moving and working in NY.
For over a year now, I have been sneaking my girlfriend’s Adderall.
We have been together for two years, and she just recently broke up with me because I finally broke down and told her the truth.
She told me if it happened again, we were done…and I didn’t listen.
I took 4 more…
Like what the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m obviously addicted, as I was able to convince myself that I could get away with taking more knowing full well what the consequences were.
I’ve hurt her…bad.
It’s 1:39am and I can’t sleep.
I’ve been off of Adderall for almost a week.
Last I took it was Monday, around lunch.
It’s now the following Monday, at 1:39am.
This past week, actually, has not been that bad.
The only issues I’ve been having are getting stressed over stupid things, slight moodiness and slight sleep problems.
In this past week, I’ve actually become closer with my family, which I’m really happy about.
I did get into an argument with my friend, but I don’t think that’s related to the Adderall – he’s upset because he thinks I duked him, and between me and y’all, I did!
But I duked him into spending time with me and not in a bar, so it was a duke for the better.
But overall, this website makes it sound much worse then it really is.
I was on a high dose, too – 60mg a day on average. I took it rec. orally.
So yeah, overall, it’s really not that bad.
Maybe I’m not as smart or as interesting, but I feel much more grounded, less anxious, far less neurotic, and much more me.
I guess the real test will be tomorrow, when I’m able to get more…