It started off as a prescription I asked for from my doctor in my last year of college. No problem there, it was wonderful! Or seemed like it at least. It helped me focus when I was in school, lose weight, and feel motivated to succeed.
I never dared to take more than the prescribed dose, and never thought I would. That time seems so innocent in comparison. Over the years, on and off Adderall a few times, I began to experiment here and there with taking a little more than the prescribed dose.
Fast forward to now, six years later, I binge on the weekends, taking extremely high doses. I tell myself, I’ll control myself this time and only take an appropriate amount for focus daily, and it will start that way, but it always turns into binges.
At the 60 mg mark, I start to become hyper-sexual and hyper-focused. And I’ll keep taking more every few hours, more and more frequently, ramp up the drug dose. At this point I can’t control myself, I can’t stop, not until I’m completely exhausted and pass out.
My last binge began on Friday afternoon and didn’t end until Sunday morning. I didn’t count the amount taken within that time, but I know it was at least 300 mg – 400 mg.
What did I do during this period? Masturbate to porn. I stopped very few times and was very irritated when I had to.
And like every time before that I’ve done that, once it’s all over, I feel terrible that I wasted my time on it. This has been my cycle that has continued to get worse over time.
Right now, I feel depressed, and worn out; it’s been two days after that last binge. Not to mention I’ve messed up my teeth through excessive grinding and picking at them.
Didn’t start to show until recently. I have got to get myself under control. I would like to control myself and be able to take a minimal dosage that is helpful for me, but this seems to be the way I trick myself into two-night binges with no sleep.