My story with stimulant use began at the age of 18. I was introduced to a herbal dietary supplement named ephedrine which is a stimulant with amphetamine-like properties. The minute I decided to use this substance is the day my life would change forever.
Within an hour of using ephedrine my mind, body and perception of life were completely altered. I began to feel this sudden rush of euphoria, invincibility, and superhuman strength. You see that time in my life I was struggling with weight and depression constantly being critical of myself and very self-conscious.
I wanted to fit in be the cool kid that every girl liked. It seemed like ephedrine would be the answer to all my problems however after all that was said and done that wasn’t the case.
I didn’t realize the consequences that would lie ahead of me in the years ahead. Initially, it was great; the depression went away weight dropped rapidly & life was great. Everything I had ever wanted in life was becoming a reality. However, I couldn’t have prepared for what was yet to come.
I became dependent and needed it every day always chasing that high and euphoric rush that I first experienced when I initially used it. Unfortunately, I became so dependent that I required this stimulant every day to achieve the results. I wanted and sustained the euphoric feeling I had met which eventually led to addiction.
Once the FDA banned ephedrine in 2006, I felt at a loss because I could no longer get a hold of this supplement. Depression took control of my life again, but this time the feelings were at all time low my weight had fluctuated to an ultimate high to a point where I became anti-social, suicidal and extremely depressed worse than I could have ever imagined.
I hated myself so much to a point where I was always searching for stimulants that would give me the same feeling ephedrine did. However it never happened, after the ban of ephedrine, there was no supplement on the market that could relate to ephedrine. My depression continued to get worse; anger and frustration took control of my life.
Misery and struggle became a part of my life to a point where I turned to marijuana to numb any pain that I had. But that just made things worse because in the morning I was still the same fat, depressed and angry person that I despised.
But then things changed, after years of research and continued the search for the right stimulant I was able to get a hold of ephedrine once again. The euphoric feelings that I had been long yearning for were re-introduced into my life.
Everything was great again, euphoria, energy, focus, confidence all were part of me. Out was the depression, anger, frustration, and being fat. I couldn’t have imagined life being any better. It was at this point where I told myself that I would never lose this feeling and would go out at all costs and extreme measures to maintain this happiness for the rest of my life.
Never would I return to being that depressed, overweight and angry disgusting person that I had been for most of life. I planned; accordingly, I never discussed anything about using ephedrine with anyone, kept it hidden from family, friends, and co-workers.
I maintained a very low-calorie low carb diet consisting of mostly water on a day to day basis to achieve and sustain the energy and mentality I had been yearning, for long. The plan was simple to keep my daily intake of ephedrine at a consistent 100mg dose with multiple liters of water, and things would fall into place.
My weight ultimately decreased to a point where I became anorexic, and people around me started to worry. You see the chemical structure of ephedrine is to reduce body fat while sustaining muscle mass and as a result; I had achieved a physique that had completely restructured and transformed my biological makeup and bone structure to a point where I had 0% body fat with muscle definition. I did not feel hungry or fatigued; I felt invincible.
But unfortunately, this didn’t last; as my career progressed the need for more stimulation grew. However, there were factors involved when you are on top of your game people don’t want to see you do good. They want to see you fall and as a result, they will go out of their way to make sure you don’t succeed.
Life isn’t fair, and all it takes is for one person to ruin it. For everybody else, this was my thought process at that time some say it was due to the continuous stimulant use and a reduced calorie diet others would say it was a hallucination.
As the stimulation grew the thoughts of paranoia and psychotic episodes became intense which eventually led to me making false claims that hidden surveillance cameras were recording me at home and workplace.
Eventually, I was forced to check into rehab which was an unsuccessful attempt to change my thought process and behaviors. A try to modify the person I am what I believe in and for what I stand.
After returning to work, I could no longer cope with the bullshit I had been dealing with for months on in. I was fed up with the way I was being treated and the cruel and unusual punishment I was enduring which was obviously going against my employee rights and seemed downright unfair to me as a citizen of the United States which preaches legitimate rights, equality, and freedom for all. I made the decision to quit the job and relieve myself of the bullshit and stress I had been enduring for so long.
After months of sobriety I realized that I couldn’t stay home and besides, I needed a source of income. I returned to the corporate world only to find out that I had the craving to use again. I long yearned for that euphoric feeling again all the old triggers and cravings started to come back to me.
I was desperately seeking for ephedrine however it was gone never to be seen again. I was looking for an alternative, and the only thought that came into my mind was Adderall. A buddy of mine had a prescription so he let me try one and all I could say is damn I feel fantastic. The focus, euphoria, and energy were present again.
However with all those benefits that Adderall does show there comes a price. Currently, I am struggling with an addiction to Adderall. If I can’t get a prescription, I result to purchasing Adderall on the streets which are a financial burden to me and the risk of not knowing the potency of the street drug to a point where I can’t enjoy it.
Adderall is an amphetamine which has three primary functions increase Dopamine sensors, Serotonin levels, and norepinephrine. Unfortunately for me when I do get a prescription, I don’t get the benefits or pleasure of enjoying the three primary functions that Adderall presents.
For the most part, I experience hallucinations, anger, and frustration most likely due to my 15-year history of stimulant abuse. My brain chemistry has changed, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to recover. I fear of what I might become when I’m not on Adderall.
I hope in doing so that whoever reads this article will get a better understanding of stimulants and the day to day struggles it presents. Hope this helps.