“The last time I took Adderall was April 9th, 2014, and have been clean and sober ever since.” – Jamie
Hi everyone my name is Jamie, and I am a recovering Adderall addict.
The last time I took Adderall was April 9th, 2014, and have been clean and sober ever since.
I first took Adderall in the summer between 10th and 11th grade, when I was at summer school.
I loved how focused I was, and I loved that I was able to read 200 pages in one night…it was like I find the cure to my constant procrastination.
When in college, I would let the work build up and buy Adderall illegally or steal it from friends so that I could do work.
In my junior year of college, I convinced doctors that I had ADHD and was prescribed Adderall legally, but I would always take way more than the prescribed amount, and I would always run out of my months prescription in about two weeks.
The way I convinced the doctors that I had ADHD was that I would tell them of how I was really bright, but my grades were poor. I said that I had a hard time focusing and wish I could do more school work but that I lack the focus.
In reality, I loved how it made me feel.
I loved how I felt on top of the world and nothing could stop me.
The raw confidence that came with the Adderall seemed to really benefit my career and my ability to talk to women.
But the crash! The crash was always horrible and always imminent.
I always felt that there was not enough.
My profound abuse and addiction compelled me to join the military, for I knew that the military would ‘cure’ me.
I knew the military has a zero tolerance for drugs.
While in the military, I didn’t take Adderall but I did resort to alcohol and became a daily drinker.
For the four years I was in the military, I romanticized and obsessed about the day I could finally take Adderall again.
The end of my four year contract finally came, and boy was I off to the races!
My addiction got even worse, and my ability to coerce doctors into prescribing me Adderall got even better.
I was able to get from a daily prescription of 30 mg XR and 20 mg tab.
Still, this wasn’t enough and there were months where my 30 pills of 30 mg XR and my 30 pills of 20 mg tab were gone in 9 days.
That is 1500 mg in 9 days or about 170 mg a day…
I once went 5 nights in a row without sleep, and eventually ended up hallucinating.
I put myself in extreme danger all the while having my dad, my mom, my girlfriend and my sisters terrified for my safety.
I knew I had a problem but could not admit it and didn’t care to admit it.
For I knew that once I admitted it, I would get help and to get help meant stop taking the very drug that I was convinced brought me to paradise.
On April 10th, 2014 God intervened and provided me with a strong enough desire to admit my powerlessness, to ask for help and to take action.
I am an Adderall addict; a drug addict.
I got help from 12-step programs and continue to get that help, as I frequently attend meetings.
I have taken action by reaching out to others and communicating to them my experience, strength, and hope.
Currently, I am an engineering student and I am fully capable of being an extremely focused student.
I no longer have thought in my head that I NEED Adderall to succeed.
It has been quite the opposite for me.
My past two semesters have been my hardest, and I obtained a 4.0 GPA in both semesters.
These semesters consisted of classes like Calculus III, Differential Equations, Physics II, Thermal Fluid Sciences, Material Sciences, Statistical analysis.
I learned that once I put down the drug, I could take ownership of my life and that I could genuinely pursue those things that truly made me happy.
What makes me happy today is still somewhat of a mystery.
It took over a year to clear my head enough to realize that I might enjoy engineering.
I am 31 years old and it took until two years ago, when I was 29, to get some kind of inkling as to what makes me happy.
As a member of the 12-step program, I am surrounded by others who are afflicted by the same disease that I have: drug addiction.
Today, I am able to present for my fiancee, my mother, my father and my three sisters.
My once torn relationships with others have now been mended.
I wake up every morning with optimism and hope and a new found zest.