It’s ironic how popping these soul crushing capsules make us completely miserable.
It’s not just me, it’s everyone I’ve met and read about using this damn fuckin’ thing.
There’s that good ol’ phrase about not having your cake and eating it too. I paraphrased that, I’m sure – but it sums up the Adderall experience to me.
I’m not going to bore anyone cool enough to be reading this far (thank you) with my intense beginnings of this brain candy.
The Spark Notes version is:
“Matt was prescribed to control his “ADD” at the age of 15. An on and off again usage would ensue, as recent as him being 24 years old.”
*BTW being a 15 year old boy is enough to get “grown ups” (what I used to call them) at that time to chill your ass out. It’s fucking selfish and ill informed is what it is honestly.
So fast forward to right now, as I’m writing this – the 24 year old me as mentioned has been cold turkey-cut off from the pills, ladies & germs.
In brief, I have been working in the culinary world for 8 years and using addy has been the success and distress of my hours put in.
I am a badass, though. I was recently the sous chef of a killer restaurant that closed by way of the investor.
We’re still unsure as to why.
But it left 30 people out of a job. And that’s where my struggle began, a month ago.
In the kitchen on Adderall, no one’s better than me.
It makes the bullshit enjoyable and the intense doable.
I was never scared, I was cocky and had the skills honed by Adderall-focused dedication.
But fuck me when I would crash – I’m the most unpleasant to be in a room with. And, it’s noticeable.
That’s when I isolate myself and become an asshole robot.
But who gives a shit – the next time I see you all I’m that multitasking hero, again. Repeat.
Forgive me for being scatter brained, if I am. I haven’t had the pills in 5 days, and I don’t have that cold-calculated way of presenting information.
I’m sharing myself, something I don’t do on Adderall – that’s for sure.
So why’d I quit?
Because to work in another place, I have to be off the pills.
I just quit a job 6 days ago because I’m a fucking asshole when I don’t know anyone when I’m new and medicated.
I seriously don’t care to get to know anyone.
So I quit.
The last time I was off addy… 3 years ago, I had the best time of my culinary career. I made countless friends to hang out with, slept with lots of cute women (I don’t do well with woman I don’t know on these pills) and I had a lot of fun, really, everyday.
But I was close to losing my job from a new chef who had signed on because I was so rambunctious.
I’ve never been fired, ever – I make the choice to leave, and I was making good money so I decided to pill up again.
That actually led to a year that amped my previous one off of the drugs – but then I got to the point where I had become an empty shell of an asshole man-child and I remembered why I had kicked the habit before.
So now, I’m alone, recovering, running out of money to pay for next month’s rent (on Adderall I like to buy crazy expensive shit – this year it was vinyl records), and I’m unemployed.
But I feel good though, now – honestly.
I even laughed today.