When I was in sixth grade I was diagnosed with ADD, even though I was an A and B student.
I remember being prescribed to Concerta. I did not like how I felt, had headaches and anxiety.
After switching medications, and being prescribed medications to “cure” side effects from those medications, two years later I was prescribed 10 mg doses of Adderall.
I still remember the feeling of my first day on one.
I didn’t feel depressed anymore, I was sociable, and better at school. I was also a competitive dancer and had more energy during my training.
Two years later… As a junior in high school, I was taking up to 90 mg of Adderall a day if I could get my hands on it, and my grades were down to straight F’s. I also quit taking dance classes all together.
My best friend was prescribed Vyvanse, and I was prescribed Adderall and we fed off of each others’ addictions. We were both good artists, but she was the best I’ve ever seen. We wouldn’t sleep for days, speeding on Adderal and doing nothing but art.
Overall, drinking and partying was my favorite thing to do on Adderall. The same time that my best friend started experimenting with harder drugs, I found out I was pregnant at 18. I quit Adderall and drinking, even smoking cigarettes, cold turkey.
I’ve never felt better, but my best friend continued to self destruct. I couldn’t talk to her while I was pregnant, because I knew if I was around Adderall then I would take them.
I was over a year clean, when I found out my best friend died of a heroin overdose. In one year, she went from taking her prescription medication from a doctor to a heroin addict.
The guilt, anger, frustration, and memories of being on these pills with her quickly resulted in me relapsing. I just wanted to feel the same way I did when we were friends, some fucked up way of trying to reconnect with my lost friend.
I also dropped out of my drug counseling college classes after my teacher had a lesson about Adderall. I was paranoid that the teacher knew about my addiction, so I never showed up to class again.
The last time I took an Adderall was the day of my daughters first birthday. I wanted everything perfect, and I thought more Adderall would help me achieve these unrealistic goals of a perfect birthday party.
It ended up being far from perfect. I lashed out at my entire family and made the day miserable for the people who went out of their way to attend my daughters birthday.
The very next day, I quit once again.
After taking 90 mgs a day for 6 months, my withdrawal from Adderall was the most extreme pain and agony I’ve ever experienced.
My symptoms lasted for a week, and three of those days I slept through.
This drug has ruined my life.
My mother still encourages my younger brother and sister to take their Adderall every day. With my sister now in high school, I see her slipping down the same slope I went down because of this drug. I have to say, seeing her go through it is worse than remembering what I went through.
Certain situations, songs, etc. still trigger extreme cravings for Adderall. I’m not sure if that ever goes away…
But I’m a year and a half clean now and expect to be that way for the rest of my life.
NA meetings have helped me an extreme amount, and I have met great people who understand what I have gone through.
If you are an addict in the grasp of this strong drug, there is hope.