I was 15 years old, almost 16.
I had never taken Adderall in my life, and one day someone offered it to me.
10mg IR, down the hatch.
I didn’t feel anything and I was honestly disappointed.
The next day… Here comes my friend who gave me the first pill.
She reaches her hand out to quickly give me another one. 30mg IR, she told me it was 10.
I felt it this time.
It was an amazing feeling, and I knew I was going to want to do this more often.
She later told me it was 30mg and not 10.
By this time I was 16 years old, 5’6, weighing in at 110 pounds.
I had taken 30mg of Adderall for quite some time, spacing them out so my tolerance wouldn’t go up.
But I decided that I wanted more.
She got into trouble, and I eventually had to find someone else to get my Adderall from.
She told me she could give me 40mg of XR. I accepted.
I didn’t know what an XR was but I didn’t seem to care, clearly, considering I took the pill, anyway.
I took the pill around 11:00am. My high lasted for 12+ hours, and I didn’t eat that day or sleep that night.
The day after that, I went to school and was completely drained. No sleep. No food. No Adderall.
I was miserable.
I went through a time of depression and anxiety (which I had experienced 6 years prior to Adderall) and it was horrible. Maybe if I had known how to consume CBD capsules and how beneficial the use of CBD was for anxiety, I might have found better ways of managing these symptoms a lot better.
Some of my friends told me that the gorilla glue 4 strain of cannabis helped them manage their depression and anxiety but I wasn’t sure it was for me.
I kept getting the same dose, but as always, spaced them because I didn’t want my tolerance to go up.
One day, I took the 40mg of XR and I didn’t feel it as much as I normally did.
That’s when I realized I needed a higher dose.
I went maybe 2 weeks without Adderall, feeling terrible the whole entire time.
One night, I texted my girl who hooks it up and asked for 50mg, XR.
She said “I can give you 2 30’s (XR) for $5”.
I accepted, and the next day I was going to have my high back.
I swallowed the two pills around 7:40am, and I didn’t acknowledge the high until 8:40, an hour later.
I knew I felt it.. and boy did it feel good. I was on top of everything.
All of my side effects were present, and my happiness was through the roof.
I didn’t ever want it to end.
Around 10:00pm, my mom came into my room and mentioned that I had been quiet since I got home from school (around 3:30).
I was working away for 4 hours. Doing homework that wasn’t even due until a week later, etc.
I got everything that could be done, done. I was still tweaking a decent amount.
I started drinking an energy drink (Amp), and it felt very very good.
Heart racing, pounding very hard, focused, interested.
It wasn’t until around 11:30pm-12:00am that I started to feel like shit.
I was still tweaking, but obviously not as much. I was coming down.
As exhausted as I was, I couldn’t fall asleep.
My stomach had been making noises for a while but the thought of food, as always, was horrid (which didn’t help my eating disorder), so I didn’t eat.
That was a sleepless night, and I was going on day 2 without food.
I didn’t want to get out of bed for school that morning.
6:50am – WAKE UP
As if I was sleeping anyway. Time for another day at school.
But today, it was going to be worse. Again, no sleep. No food. No Adderall. Only caffeine.
I was down in the dumps, as I’m sure you guessed was going to happen. And what did it do?
Just made me crave more and more.
So what did I do? Satisfied myself yet again.
I did spend a moment thinking if I needed help. I’m not sure how long I spent thinking about if I should put a stop to all this and go to a treatment center? But then I decided I needed more.
This story basically just repeats itself… So there is no need to go on with it.
I had a lot of questions at this time like, “Is 60mg XR too much for me because of my body (underweight, sleep deprived, malnourished)? If not, what is my limit?” and so on.
Anyone got an answer for me?!
Anyway, thanks for reading.
It’s not that intense, but enough to mess me up.